Industry and Contentment

Lately I have found myself very lackadaisical and not at all content with my current position in life. After allowing myself to get depressed, I realized that, how ever well founded, it was not healthy for me or for my family. My attitude had become one of not caring what happened, but at the same time being extremely upset, sad, angry, and discontent with circumstances and people. As you may have noticed in my previous posts, I have been having a great deal of trouble with dealing with people at work. It doesn’t help that the vast majority of them are jerks, but I should not allow myself to go down to that level. I need to keep a good attitude, despite how I am treated.

It has been very difficult, dealing with being poor and feeling like there is no way out. When it seems like every possibility to get out that comes your way disappears just as quickly as it had, at first, come. Don’t get me wrong, it is still very difficult to deal with. Especially after the recent news that my family is moving to Montana, with extremely short notice; and because I had to wait for a job related phone call that never came, work, and their busy schedule, I was unable to see them except for my father and sister for a very short period of time at work with my manager right there supervising the whole time. It turns out (we discovered while my father and sister were at my workplace), that my father knows the creepy guy who likes me a little too much. Apparently they worked in the same place for a while back in the 90’s. Weird.

Anyway, I’ve decided to try harder to find the joy in life again, and not let people take that away from me. It also seems apparent that my attitude as of late has discouraged my husband greatly, because one of the reasons he married me (he has told me this) is because he found my love and enthusiasm for life attractive. To be completely honest, I’ve been losing it little by little for a very long time, so I’m not expecting this to be instant. My parents disowning me, my church betraying me, and then trying to help a couple new churches that were just starting up and being treated less than civilly and then having them close was very discouraging. And then you have all of the current circumstances.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family very much (most especially my husband and son, in that order) and I want the best for them.  It’s just very difficult when you try to improve your life, but businesses just won’t hire you for any apparent reason, and your hours get cut at your other job because it’s winter and business is slow.

Anyway, I’ve started to do things to get myself back on track.  I’ve started reading “Mansfield Park” by Jane Austen, singing more, playing with my baby more, and cleaning in house more; and am planning on trying to get a hold of an old friend that I just discovered was still in town (I thought she was long gone by now), starting dancing, getting more involved with playing my piano and other musical instruments, etc.  Getting a day job will go a long way toward achieving these things.  Most of all, I am hoping to become a better wife and mother.

Stress and a Good Book

Strange title, I know. But it makes complete sense to me. Lately Matthew and I have been going through a lot of stress lately. You know how it is, dealing with family (mine is currently moving out to Montana), finances, work, and everything else. I just got interviewed for this job the other day, and the interviewer told me how much I would make, what the uniform is, what shift I would be working (or a general idea thereof), asked if I would be willing to do another part-time job, and told me that she was just going to check my references and give me a call on Tuesday (the interview was on Friday). Well, Tuesday came, and she didn’t call and didn’t call. So I called her right before I had to go to work and she said that she hadn’t been in the office most of the day and would call me on Thursday. Thursday came and went. Nothing. So I called her Friday afternoon, and she said that she was busy at the time, but would call me back in 10 to 15 minutes. Well, over an hour and a half went by and she never called. So I called her back around 3 p.m., and the receptionist said that she was in, but for some reason I just got her voicemail and have not heard from her since. Now, she doesn’t know this, but I really needed that job, both for financial, emotional, and mental reasons. See, the job that I currently have, well, the best way to say this is the nicknames of the people I work with most often are as follows: Crazy, Creepy, Perv., and Stinky. Sad isn’t it?! My husband says that I have a case for workers comp. and a sexual harassment case. Only thing is, I can’t really prove any of it. I’m just hoping to get out of there as soon as possible, but employers are not exactly helping. Why is my work so awful? It, in short, is mostly because I am a woman, and all of the managers that work at night are men. In fact, I am the only woman working at night, except for once a week, and I never work with her. I have had a reaction to the chemicals that we clean with for a couple months now, and I have spoken to my managers and to the store manager, and none of them care. They say “buy your own gloves then”. There’s only one problem with that. Because they pay me such a pitiful wage, I don’t have money to purchase gloves. Oh well, that is enough ranting for now. On to the good book…

I am currently reading Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. It’s actually very good, if you can comprehend the older English. Somethings have been rather interesting, such as when one has a headache, one is “knocked up”. Funny, isn’t it? Anyway, I won’t give away the story, but I do identify with some of it, and the scenery it paints is just wonderful.

Well, got to go for now.