Within the last couple of weeks, my supervisor gave me a very challenging assignment. She wants me to decide what I want my career path to be within the agency and to write a narrative on why I deserve a raise compared to the other administrative assistants. That assignment I think is going to be the most difficult. Difficult mostly because a) I don’t know how my position compares to the other assistants in the agency (we all work for different programs), b) because I don’t feel that it is right for me to compare myself to others in order to get a raise, and c) because, from what I’ve been told, this agency doesn’t give raises at all except for COL raises. So why on earth she would want a narrative from me on why I should get a raise, I don’t know. I’ll do it anyway though.

Christmas was good this year, although not as exciting or festive as normal. It had, none the less, some interesting surprises.  My vacation started on Christmas Eve. We went and visited family and didn’t get home until around midnight. A very long day. Matthew and I were both very tired, but Vincent was well behaved in the car. Meaning he slept most of the way, as did my sister.

Christmas vacation as a whole, has been restful; although I can hardly believe that it is almost over. I have been trying to use this time to renew myself and find a base for the next year. This past year, I have realized, I have spent focused on others to my detriment. This next year, I am going to focus on taking care of myself. I need to restablize, find focus, and live deliberately. This is something I probably should have done last year, but somehow never found the time. I hope that I will be able to keep this up throughout the year, Lord willing.

Among the changes being made, Matthew and I have started to attend one of the local Baptist churches. We haven’t been very good about regular attendance, but we’ll get there. Trying to take it slowly. Baby steps seem to be key, even though I’ve tried but always want to go full force. Hopefully this time I’ll get it.

We’ve decided to try for another baby, Matthew and I, and I’m curious to see how long it takes without trying persay. We’re just trying to let it happen when it does. I’ve also been thinking more strongly about continuing my education, but probably won’t until after we’ve had the new baby.

I’ve recently taken up Yoga. It looks like it will be fun as long as I can keep  it up. That’s all for now…

So, we had a court date (First Appearance for the custody proceding) on November 6, which was rather stressful at first because my lawyer didn’t even show up! They called him and he came…after we had already adjourned. The judge was none to happy with him. His excuse to me was that he didn’t get the paperwork (I have to say that I can see that happening except for the fact that he was the only one who didn’t receive the paperwork). He had my sister’s ID, which she needed for her GED classes on Monday, so we waited, and so did my parents and their lawyer and Jocelyn’s Law Guardian. Instead of making a big long story, I’ll just tell you what the results were. My parents granted me custody and Jocelyn her things in exchange for us dropping the Order of Protection (because they wanted a “relationship” with us, haha).  Anyway, right now I’m just waiting for the paperwork to come through so that I can make arrangements for getting her her stuff. I believe that her law guardian is also going to be filing a petition on her behalf to obtain the ability to talk to Faith and Cody (my other brother and sister that are still living with my parents). I haven’t received any paperwork on that to date.

On the other front, we finally got our health insurance (we applied on July 15, but didn’t get it until November 1), and I’ve been to the doctor, podiatrist, optomologist, and psychiatrist. As it turns out, I’m most likely going to have to get a toenail surgery, I was diagnosed with PTSD, have to see the psychiatrist/counselor every week for the next month or so, and got new glasses. The first appointment with the psychiatrist was a little difficult, but it should get better. At least I don’t have to retell my story again, I hope. While at the optomoligist’s I learned that I am nearsighted and only have to wear my glasses when looking more than 8 ft. away. The last time I had been, they told me to wear them constantly. Whatever.

Oh, and even more exciting news…my husband was in a car accident! Last Saturday, I think it was, my husband was sitting at the stop sign waiting to go on the end of my father-in-law’s street and a drunk driver just ran into the back of the car. The police were called and they arrested him (which he resisted). My husband refused to go to the doctor, and still refuses no matter how many people advice him, ask him, or in any other way try to persuade him to go. He says he doesn’t see why he needs to – it doesn’t hurt. Grrr! Oh well. It’ll be his own fault if something happens because he didn’t go. He won’t be able to blame me for it, I told him to go and so did a lot of other people. Funny thing, my father-in-law, who was the passenger, said his neck felt better after the accident (he has a herniated disk in his neck). Things haven’t been finalized with the car yet. It’s in the shop now for the estimate.

I have, yet again, neglected my duty to update my blog for an extended period of time. Sometimes I think my life is really just a soap opera (or drama of some sort). Shortly after my last post, my mother-in-law, very dramatically, left my father-in-law and got my husbad and sister-in-law caught up in the drama.  Fortunately for me, my role was more of one of support for my husband and listening to my father-in-law’s endless speaches and awkward moments. Things regarding this have been very up and down since then, but have recently turned out in my father-in-law not wanting my mother-in-law back, uncovering some very serious lies (I’m still not sure what the purpose was in telling some of them), and discovering some very unpleasant things.  For instance, my husband has been trying to get a hold of his mother for quite some time, but she won’t call him back or anything (even though she tells people that she does).  We found out through his father, that my mother-in-law has said some very deragotory things about my husband, which devasted him.  Even though he’s trying to be tough. It’s rather sad.  I was hoping that my son would have at least one set of “normal” grandparents. Now he’ll probably ever only know his one grandfather.

That brings me to what has happened lately with my sister. As you already know, she’s been staying at my house for almost two months, but it seems like forever. She was having some eye problems late in September, so we took her to the ER after setting up an appointment for her to get health insurance (she’s eligible for child health plus, which is retroactive). At the time, I didn’t have custody, and, as we found out, neither did CPS. They called my parents for permission to treat her. They refused. We were talking to the CPS worker while all of this was going on, and she suggested that I go up to Family Court to file a Family Offence Petition to obtain temporary custody so that she could be treated.  We did this, and let me tell you, it was very difficult, emotionally. You know how they say that often people in these situations don’t want to hurt the family members that have been hurting them because they are family and they love them? Well, let’s just say that I understand it in a whole new way. So, we got the temporary custody and the order of protection, went to go eat dinner (it was almost 5 p.m. by the time we left Cooperstown, and it takes almost 45 minutes to get back to Oneonta), and then went to the ER. She was seen and told that she had pink eye, which they gave her medication for. That day was one of the most difficult I’ve had in a while.

Since we had filed the Family Offense Petition, we had to go to court. Which we did and, currently, my parents are unwilling to negotiate. They are probably trying to get to us, but it’s extremely stupid because if we go to trial they will probably be put out even more and will have to travel 3 hours for every court date. Currently, I have a lawyer, my sister has a law gaurdian, my parents have a lawyer, and we have another date set-up for another conference because their lawyer thinks she can talk them into a deal. My lawyer also had me apply for full custody.

My son needs to go take his nap, but I’ll update more later.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s almost fall again.  This year has gone by so quickly, and so much has happened in it.  Since the last time I posted, a lot has happened.  Most recently being that my sister moved out of my parents house into mine.  My parents were being ridiculous about it though.  She’s 17, so legally in NY she’s allowed to leave, however, not everyone seems to be on the page with this law.  Anyway, my parents were trying to strong arm her into going back via the troopers, which resulted in my being forced to call CPS.  Something I most definetely didn’t want to do.  Although it probably needed to be done whether I wanted to or not.  Surprisingly, my parents haven’t even tried to contact her since she moved out, but they’ve been contacting all her friends parents and telling them that my sister called the police on them, or that she called CPS on them, which is completely false on both counts.

I’ll try to update a little bit sooner next time!

This month has been crazy!!! It’s hard to believe that it’s almost over – and almost August.  My son has added many words to his vocabulary – he’s even said he was “sorry”.  The apartment is really nice, and only about a half hours walk to work.  Only problem with walking – getting honked at and called “babe”, but it doesn’t happen all the time.  Although, the time I was called “babe” I was just waiting to cross the street infront of my house.

We had our family reunion this last Sunday – and the pasta salad that I brought was completely gone two hours into the reunion.  I saw my entire family for the first time in an year or two (except for my brother) and one of my uncles that I haven’t seen in like 5 years!  It’s amazing how much older everyone is now.  The picnic also brought the possibility of other changes in the future, but they aren’t for sure, so I won’t mention them yet.  You’ll just have to wait… lol!

Hello!  It’s been a long time since I posted, and I’m sorry.  You would not believe how hectic life has been lately!   We’ve finally moved into our new apartment; and oh my word was it a mess.  We moved in on Monday, while my father-in-law watched our son.  That was a long day.  The next morning I could barely move – I was so stiff.  We’re almost all the way unpacked, and the neighbors seem friendly – thank goodness.  We’ve got some much left to do!   G2G!!

This weekend has been very busy, and the weather not always very cooperative.  The company I work for had an employee appreciation day this last Friday, and it was cold! It was also very fun.  I got to play Pictionary with fellow co-workers.

We are going on a picnic today, and we are bringing, among other things, a fruit basket.  A hollowed about basket of watermelon with watermelon, musk melons, strawberries, and blueberries in it.  I’ve never made one before, so I hope it goes over well.  We’ll see.  More later….

I’m really not sure what to do.  My husband has been acting really depressed lately and I have no idea what to do about it.  It seems like he should be happy – we’re going to be getting a new apartment in town and he has a shot at his dream of being a stay-at-home dad and painter.  I can understand being sad to a point since his sister is going to be moving to Boston shortly and his parents are having it ruff (they just got their foreclosure notice).  When I ask him if he is okay, he says that he is fine, but that is not what his actions or attitude are expressing.  I tried to cheer him up last night by buying him desert and soda and the movie Transformers.  It seemed to make him happier for a time, but today he seems all depressed again.

Any suggestions?

Life seems to become more and more confusing as it goes on. You know how it seems like you have everything down (figuratively, of course), and then something happens and you have to go back and reevaluate everything all over again? Well, that has happened to me in a rather severe way, and actually has been happening for a while, but I am just getting to the point in my recovery from past experiences (aka. being disowned, my family moving away, my pastors betraying me, and other incidents that all occurred within a very short period of time) were I could even come to the place of confronting it.

When I did come to that point, it was very overwhelming. It seemed that everything I had stood for, everything I believed in, was all in question, as if it wasn’t necessarily true. That is a very scary place. It, honestly, didn’t help that my husband is also in that place, but at least that means that we can work on it together instead of one of us seeming better than the other. Well, I still haven’t resolved all those questions, but I have to keep it under control (the emotional stress, etc.), as it was interrupting my life to the point where I wasn’t sleeping well and was having panic attacks. I know, it might sound like I’m overdoing it, but this is very important to me, and, I am sure, is also very important to anyone who comes across a situation like this. It’s funny how things don’t seem as important until you don’t have them anymore. Anyway, I’ve decided to tackle it one thing at a time (as per my husband’s suggestion – thank you), and not believe that everything (including the existence of God) is necessarily wrong, but look for the truths that would either prove or disprove it. This sounds like a very daunting task, and I have only started – it’s going to take a very long time.

In other news, I am thinking about trying to take up dancing again. Only problem is that I don’t have anyone to dance with or to teach me. I’ve looked up the local dance studios, but it is more money than I have right now. Maybe later. Part of the reason that I decided to undertake this, is because I need something to keep my mind of off the more difficult end of work – the extent and horribleness of domestic violence, sexual assault, and similar things that I must deal with on a day-to-day basis. My husband also bought me a folding craft table for Mother’s Day, so I will be able to pick back up the doll house project and I will be able to work on my puzzles without consistently having to only get so far and then tear it back up again. So that will be nice.

I’ve also been thinking about my friendships lately. There is a lot of possibility for me to develop friendships with the people I work with – they are my age (for the most part), and I am on the same organizational level as them, so it isn’t unethical. My past/current friendships are also problematic. Some of them I would like to get back in touch with (I think, maybe), and others that I’m just not sure if it healthy anymore. Like my one friend from highschool who seems to have decided that she is better than me and started flirting with my husband. Thank goodness I can trust him! Although, I can’t get him to understand that I just don’t trust girls that behave like that. For some reason he still thinks that it is him I don’t trust, which is just completely silly.